Saturday, 5 February 2011

Its my party, and i'll cry if i want to....

Kevin died on the Sunday, it was my birthday on the Thursday. Not quite Soloman Grundy, but it does spring to mind!

Kevin had organised drinks out with the Mums from school on the Wednesday night. The plan had been to meet in a pub and enjoy the evening. Kevin was always an honourary mum, he got on so well with them and took Dennis to school much more than i ever did. The Mum's apporached me and said they still wanted to get together and instead someone was hosting it, so it would be easier, did i want to go? Actually i was relieved to go, it was nice to see people and break the ice after the event, it was nice to see that i was still accepted within the pack. Death of a loved one can be very isolating.

It was really nice, it was the mum of Dennis' best friend who hosted it, so he came too, with his pyjamas. I am sure Kevin would have loved the evening, we all talked about him and laughed and cried. I can't think of anything he would have enjoyed more! He used to joke, "its all about me!"

On my actual birthday it was hard to think about what to do, so i decided to have some key friends round, just the ones who were there helping me the most at the end. Again we all laughed and cried and talked about Kevin. I had saved all the post and cards and opened them all in the evening. It is strange opening a birthday card, then an "in sympathy" card. They are all up in the sitting room, a strange mix of sadness and life all together.

Kevin's sister loved to tell me the story, about as a child he played a trick on the family, one of those obvious children's ones, where all the adults feign surprise, to please the child. He had looked at her with glee and said "i like tricking person's". It seemed that he did so to me, there was me telling him that it was my birthday on the Sunday, i had told him i had got the necklace. I hadn't known that he had also bought me a bracelet, and his sister told me after the event. So he would have known my little fib, and possibly been giggling at me. We found the bracelet on my birthday, he was determined to make an impact. He sure did!


  1. Amazing. Sounds like he managed to run rings around you even now.

    It also seems like you are dealing with it in your own way, which is absolutely the best, as your way is the only way - for you.

    Your posts always blow me away with their quiet beauty and their matter-of-factness. (is that a word? Who cares?) I hope that blogging is helping. It seems like it is, but if not, don't think twice of taking a longer break.

  2. Beautiful Carrie, I can imagine your emotions being all over the place at the moment. Such events in one week must be blooming well exhausting to deal with x

    Your blog is humbling to read x

  3. Well - bugger me! He did it again!! Should we be surprised.? I don't think so.

    Really nice though....

  4. I'm so sad to hear about your loss, you are a very brave, strong lady and I admire your calmness and ability to write so beautifully. I hope with time it all becomes easier for you and your little boy. Heartfelt hugs to you all. Your blog has moved me in a way I didn't expect, had my heart racing and tears pouring. xxx