Sunday, 24 April 2011


The two weeks leading up to Easter were hard, i was starting to feel very run down and in need of a rest! This was compounded by the Menace breaking up a week before me - and what a manic week that was. I ended up not only doing my usual lectures, but in Wimbledon for a meeting on the Friday and also lecturing on the Saturday. I was also going out on the Saturday night and flying out to Ireland on the Sunday.

For a couple of weeks, i had had a burning mouth, indigestion and general malaise, this wasn't going to be an easy week, but i made it!!

This was the first break that the Menace amd myself had been on without Kevin. Oddly it was not an issue - we went away with my family (my sister-in-law is Irish). My packing was a bit erratic, i managed to pack all the wrong things - i forgot my pyjamas, and took next years diary!!?

Luckily I was able to resolve all on arrival. The Menace was an excellent companion to travel with, he is an age where he can wheel his own bag and can be very sensible. We got there easily, was met at the airport by my brother, and headed off to sunny Donegal! (and it was sunny). We had an interesting journey, we ran out of deisel, my brother had to run to get some! He set off with a cheery "not a problem!"

We arrived in one piece, the Menace ran off to join his cousins, i sat down with a cup of tea and started to wind down. That first night i felt awful, like some sort of space cadet - a head like cotton wool! But a good night's sleep, a week with no access to the internet, so couldn't check my e mails, and a holiday reminiscent of my childhood - boating, beaching and suchlike, lead to a feeling of calm that i haven't felt for months! (I had debated taking some marking, but in the end decided to leave work well and truly behind).

I can honestly say i really enjoyed myself, this was partly because this was not really a holiday that Kevin would have enjoyed, so i didn't feel that ache of how he would miss it. Kevin couldn't swim, would have hated being waist high in the cold water of the Atlantic in April!! It just reminded me of the years of holidays in Anglesey, when my brother and i did these things before (as children). It was a good choice of holiday for a "first".

We went out to a far off beach by boat, had a barbecue, we went dune running, we caught the first lobster of the season (which i killed by putting it in fresh water) and we ate the first lobster of the season. The Menace loved being with his three cousins and had a great time.

We had a walk to the beach on our own one day, and Dennis asked if we could "do this again, next time for two weeks" - i just loved to hear him having fun and doing kid's things.

We came home for Easter Sunday, i tackled it with a new sense of calm, and have had a good weekend too! Although there are plenty more "firsts" i am feeling stronger right now, that has got to be a good thing, i don't want to let the little one down, he needs to see me strong! So Happy Easter to you all!! I feel like sharing the cheer!


  1. So glad you had such a good time in Ireland. It sounds fab and it sounds like you got a lot of benefit from it.

  2. Glad to hear you are feeling stronger. Sounds like it was just what you needed! :-)

  3. Hi Caroline,
    I follow you on Twitter and don't ask me how, but I ended up reading your blog, which had me in tears, I don't know how you found the strength to go through it and write about it, therefore relive it, amazing.
    We lost my dad very suddenly last July and we are still doing the "firsts" which are painful beyond belief. While I don't know exactly what you are going through, I promise you are not alone.
    Marianne (mariannebrown24)

  4. Thanks for the lovely comments all. Marianne, it may be strange, but writing about it really helps me... and possibly stops me boring all my friends, who have been very supportive, but don't need to hear how miserable i am all the time! Alos knowing that people are reading it helps too! I am not sure why, but it does.