I know it is Christmas time and everyone is getting excited about what they will get, and then the New Year will follow and everyone will think about the year ahead, and what their hopes are for it.
I am approaching this season with a huge sense of dread. It was six years ago at this time of year that my husband, Kevin got diagnosed with cancer for the first time, it was four years ago at this time of year that we were told it had come back and now this year, we are told he has months to live.
My six year old is all excited, for him its a magical time of year. He is terribly excited about Santa coming in three sleeps, so excited that he can barely sleep at night. We, husband and I, on the other hand are looking at this very differently.. How are we going to help our son through this, what is ahead of us, how will we cope?
For years Christmas has always been a bit of a strain, deciding how we are going to get to all the relatives within the time constraints etc. Finally this year, we fought for it to be the way we wanted it to be. I was even starting to get quite excited, then Kevin started to be in alot of pain. The doctor gave him some painkillers, he went back and got stronger ones, then stronger ones. He then started to complain that the drugs were affecting his movement and memory, this caused worries, as these were not side effects of the drugs. It turns out that the cancer has now gone to his brain.
And now our Christmas plans have changed dramatically! I have gone from looking forwards to it, to just wanting to get through it!!
Caroline, I've said it before but you are doing an amazing job. Remember not to be stubborn and ask for help if you do need it.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are doing an amazing job, your strength will get you through it. Love and thoughts with you all at this difficult time x
ReplyDeleteI don't have the words really, except to say I wish you all the strength you'll need to get through this difficult time. Very thought provoking piece.
ReplyDeleteFound you through a comment about a comment on twitter : ) Puts everything well and truly in perspective. We have 6 yr old twin boys and I can't conceive of them not having their daddy next Christmas. My heart breaks for you and your family. xxx
ReplyDeleteNo words can describe how much sorrow I feel for what you and your husband go through. The fact that you share it here deserves even more respect. I find very difficult even to try and comment on your post, as I feel that more than anything you need to be listened to rather than getting comments from someone who have no idea what you must go through. Caroline, I wish you that every single day of your life feels like 1000s days full of joy and happiness. I also wish you as much of a peace of mind as it is possible in your situation. Rather than telling you more, I want you to know that I am here to listen to what you have to say and will follow your blog on your journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your thoughts. Its funny you talk about the journey HR Beginner (Peter), as they call it the "cancer journey"....
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate all your kind words, they do actually help, as it can be very isolating.
I've just stumbled across your blog, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have small children and I can only imagine how hard it must be to help your son cope too. Sending you much love xx
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